BEGINNING AGAIN

..//ROXANNE LA FURIE//

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Written by Theodore Fu

The soft buzzing of the ceiling light hums in the rented conference room of a gymnasium, the space relatively spacious yet secluded. Silence takes precedence, but it is actually attention, waiting for a young women to finish her thought.

Looking downwards at her shoes, searching for the right words to get her point across the way she intends to as seven other individuals sit around patiently waiting for her to finish, allowing her grace. Ten seconds passed. Then a subtle exhale.

“Do you all truly believe gaslighting yourselves will really solve anything?” The young women proclaims, scanning each and every participant around her in the circle.

“Call me cynical, but c’mon, y’all are fooling yourselves that this shit gets better. No one’s dead friend or family members are coming back to life, all of us got messed up in the head in our own unique way, and for all we know, we may become unintelligible monsters at any point.”

Silence returns, but this time carrying weight. Some participants shifting in their chairs, eyes darted, not in disagreement — but recognition. The women loosens up in her chair, body arching forward, forearms slumping to her knees, and hands interlocking, almost as if the body signifying a state of satisfaction with getting those words out.

“Would you say you’re an unintelligible monster yet?” A voice replies back from across the room, cutting the veil of silence in the atmosphere. The owner of the voice comes from another young women, sitting directly across from the one who just made the remarks. A medium length mullet of platinum-charcoal ombre hair, and she wore a rugged vintage looking olive military jacket. The women abruptly taking notice to Roxanne, the facilitator of this session.

“I don’t mean it in like a challenging way” Roxanne added evenly, as she leaned forward trying to meet the girl in a communal understanding “just curious”.

The young women suddenly a bit taken back by a response, staring sharply at Roxanne, as if met with an opposition to her thoughts. Both of them bore similar sets of eyes blackened scleras and white glowing pupils. Both touched by the Dark Code Virus, a detail that didn’t need explanation.

“Do you know how hard it was… every morning for me to get out of bed, wake up knowing that both of my parents would no longer be greeting me in the kitchen in the morning,” the young women replied back, with distraught and shakiness in her tone.

With an onset of aggression, with the skin of her face tightening, “some of my closest friends that made me feel seen in my life and understood, are gone, dead, in the ground!” she continued to establish. “It hurts to keep up hope, that somehow… through all of this... that maybe I won’t go into a crazy, batshit, mindless zombified state.”

“And don’t you dare give me that ‘I understand’ bull- because you don’t. You’re not me, and I'm not you! An honest cursed delusion, to hope all this will turn around, and everything will return back to normal...” The women finishing her statements with notable shift in tone, ending the last of her remarks with genuine grief behind her words.

As the words reverberate, individuals are noticeably triggered, some murmur under their breaths and some clapback, the atmosphere has shaken up with all different emotions now stirring in. amidst the heightened state of the room, Roxanne looking upon the young women, giving her a few moments for her statements to have grace and be heard. Her eyes now properly introduced to this individual, clearly someone who has suffered tremendously, spirits shaken, mind in disarray, and a broken individual, yet something is still there. In the now pool of voices, Roxanne’s stare is met yet again by the young women’s as she tilts her head back up.

“Not the worst take I’ve heard” Roxanne said calmly, with those words quieting the room.

The young women, a bit taken back by the reply, and boldly staring Roxanne back. "You’re supposed to be disagreeing with me,” she sharply states.

“Why? You want me to?” Roxanne slowly yet calmly replied back.

“Isn’t it you’re job to tell me that I’m wrong, you all follow a script, to tell me that in spite of everything, it will get better,” the women snapping back. “You’re supposed to tell me the same shit all the other counsellors say, something that will comfort me, but in reality will not!”

Continuing with a calm demeanor, Roxanne lets out an exhale from her chest. “No. My job is just to sit here while you say what you actually think. Not what sounds dramatic or smart, just what’s real” she states.

“It’s exactly how you put it, it’s delusional to think you’ll ever get back the life you once had,” Roxanne continued.

“Well then what is the point of m- all of us doing here exactly?” the women remarking with a demanding tone. Frustration is visible across the flush of red seeping into her pale cheeks.

“You tell me,” Roxanne quickly and firmly replying back.

As the atmosphere of the air has heightened due to the back and forth, the women breathing hard, begins to slow the pace of her breath. It seems, as if for the first time, in what must be a long while, words are caught, received, she is being heard and challenged.

After a pause of silence, as the others sat in the circle have now resumed back into a state of attention to the speakers, the women tilts her head down. “I-I’m just tired of it, I don’t want to keep feeling like this” the women hesitantly said.

Roxanne nods her head, letting out a sigh of agreement, “you and me both.”

“But something tells me you wouldn’t be here today if there wasn’t apart of you inside, that still gives a shit,” Roxanne continues on to say, with each word intended to be fully received by everyone.

“So what was the point? I mean for you, what did you discover to keep going on?” the young lady asked.

Another short moment of pause, washed over the room. The women only now notices Roxanne fidgeting with something through her fingers of her left hand, and glancing at it. It’s a silver coin of some sort, perhaps some memorabilia of some kind with some significance.

“I didn’t find a point. I just stopped looking,” Roxanne says snapping the women’s attention back to the conversation.

“Well that’s… not particularly comforting…” the women audibly a bit disheartened saying.

“Yeah, truth be told, it’s not always supposed to be,” Roxanne says as she slowly leans back in her chair.

“Meaning’s sort of a luxury concept, most days it’s quite literally just maintenance. Eat. Sleep. Repeat. Figure out how to navigate the new road you’ve been plopped on. That’s the art of beginning again. I suppose,” Roxanne continues, shifting her gaze at the coin in her hand, back towards the eyes of the young women across from her.

The young woman looked down at her feet. The words weren’t warm. They weren’t polished, not how she was accustomed to with these types of counselling sessions.

But they weren’t fake either.

And that, at the very least, felt different.


The cloudy forecast paints the afternoon sky grey, and dull, overhanging the dense cityscape of H3-DES District. The electricity running through the transformers of the street poles can be heard whizzing even against the busy background city ambience. Two hours have passed since the group counselling session concluded, Roxanne exits the backside of the community centre building, towards the small alley parking lot. She slumps her bag over her shoulder to her front, unzipping the front pocket, rummaging through miscellaneous items, until she pulls out a pack of cigarettes, and a stainless steel zippo lighter.

Roxanne lights up a stick, and inhales a few deep huffs of rich tobacco, inspecting the smoke clouds she produced with each exhale. Her ears perks up to the sound of the door behind her open up, turning around to see the facility manager walking toward her.

“Ms. Furie, I don’t mean to interrupt you on your way out,” the lady said, as she walked in closer.

“No, no, not at all Ms. Mordreau. What’s up?” Roxanne asked while quickly distinguishing her newly lit cigarette on the ground.

“Apologies, oh you didn’t need to do that, I’m not such a pushover when it comes to that kind of stuff” she replied back, followed by casual chuckling.

“I just wanted to say there was already some immediate feedback regarding your session earlier, notable remarks appreciating your honesty and realness for how you approached the subject matters.” she added.

“Oh. Well, I just try to lend myself to them as a listener. They’ve all been through a lot,” Roxanne saying in a calm manner.

“Mhm. Mhm. Most certainly, and we appreciate people like you, being able to offer up yourself to them in this confusing point in their lives.” Ms. Mordreau starkly remarking in agreement.

“I just wanted to say, for a first session, this was incredibly well received. I would like you to be aware of that.” she added.

Roxanne pausing for a moment trying to figure out how to reply, exaggerated nods while hiding a bit of an awkward chuckle, she brushes up the back of her hair.

“Least I can do for them. I’m not where I am today without the people who spared a bit of their precious time to hear me out,” she proclaimed. “Even after three years I haven’t fully figured all this stuff out, but I do my best to trudge forward.”

“Everyone’s still reeling from that waking nightmare even to this day. So many people, gone, affected by it. Absolutely heartbreaking.” Ms. Mordreau says followed by signing a cross against her chest.

“You. You have to give yourself credit, for being able to take a hit like that firsthand, and still standing, now helping to lift others up again.” she added.

“But going back to what you said, the only way is indeed forward. You have a good rest of your evening now, Ms. Furie. See you tomorrow.” Ms. Mordreau concluded as she slowly turned to enter back into the building, followed by a subtle arm raised to give a wave of farewell before closing the door.

Roxanne met the wave with a subtle smirk before turning and making her way toward her car.

Ms. Mordreau might be by-the-books — procedural, always ready with the appropriate words of encouragement for new onboards, but beneath the exterior lingered hints of something possibly warmer. Maybe. A genuine kindness kept carefully folded away.

It’s harder these days to tell what’s real anyways. People rehearsed their empathy. Even grief felt performative at times.

Roxanne slid into her car and shut the door, the outside noise cutting off instantly. She took a bit of a pause, lingered there, eyes drifting up to the ceiling. She reached into her pocket, pulling out her phone, and set it onto the dashboard slot. The screen lit up to a stack of notifications — pings and messages that had accumulated while she was busy.

Only scanning through a select few, a message from an unknown number pops up;

“We got a new lead. Sheppard’s heading to Koreatown for a meeting tonight.”

“Shepphard’s meeting up with the Gold Lake Boys, business transaction.”

“Meet me on the rooftop of Eun-baem at 7.”

Even without a name attached to the number, Roxanne knew who it was. She let out a quiet sigh — not particularly of annoyance, not quite dread either.

Her second job. The one she had taken on deliberately, telling herself it would be useful. A way to occupy the restless parts of her mind. Not necessarily one that would provide about any extra income, but something that would potentially mend an old wound that had never healed properly.

Onyx.

She pulls out her car keys, entering it into the vehicle, starting up the engine. The boot-up roaring awake the car, and a signal as if she just took her first shot of the evening, jolting her awake from her previous mental focus. Any time these types of things pop into frame, certain thoughts flash through her head, of a point in time thats gone-by, unfairly taken away, and why she decided to join this group in the first place.

The car backing out, and exiting out of the community centre parking lot. Onward to her second job of the day.


[6:56PM - KOREATOWN]

Night time is starting to unveil itself across the city skyline, as dusk nearly finishes it’s gloss over. Streetlights, and neon signs start to flicker on, as the streets get ready for the next period of it’s day.

H3-DES is a dense city, old and new architecture all clustered together. Koreatown stretched long and narrow between two towering developments, a corridor of light and noise.

Clumps of groups littered the streets, from young wannabe somebody’s chasing intoxication like it was status, blue collars coming straight out of the office and into the bars and adult entertainment parlors, gang affiliates lingering at corners, patient, watching for someone careless enough to slip. They are quite honestly living fauna for this enviornment.

Amidst all of the noise, Roxanne maneuvers the crowds, dodging the swaying and tipsy corporate men. She now moves in a different pair of combat boots, a bit higher up the shin, white base with contrasting black laces and bottom soles. From her shoulders down to the top eyelets of her boots, she was wrapped in a white oilcloth poncho. Bold, yes — but in this character-diverse part of H3-DES, it barely earned a second glance. Roxanne slips through into a narrow alleyway beside the slightly rundown restaurant, Eun-baem, looking around until stopping her eyes towards a rusted escape ladder.

Climbing about 6 stories, The city air was cooler there, thinner somehow. A figure stood several meters away, already facing her — waiting. A high ponytail looking down at Roxanne.

One eye watched Roxanne’s approach, sharp, elegant, almost amused. The other was concealed beneath a matte black eyepatch, rigid, and structured yet deliberate against her skin. The contrast only sharpened her beauty.

Like Roxanne, she wore white, but hers a cropped motorcycle jacket, layered overtop a black corset top. Black leather pants down to black high heels. There was an aura about her. Not loud. Not theatrical. Just controlled.

It didn’t intimidate Roxanne.

This was Onyx.

Once an adversary, an opposition to a version of Roxanne she no longer claimed. Now, pretty much a colleague.

“Y’know. I would not have minded if you just left me on seen, but not opening up the messages at all. Apart of me thought you wouldn’t show this time,” Onyx said followed by a smirk.

“But I did, as always,” Roxanne replying back.

Both of them having a silent stare off at one another, bantering by just their eyes, then Onyx turning her head back towards the ledge of the roof; that’s all she’ll need for catch-up. She slowly walking idyllically near the North side of the rooftop. not annoyed, just acknowledging. Whatever needed to be said passed between their eyes. She follows closely behind Onyx in stride.

“It’s always the ones that seem to have a promising road ahead,” Onyx said, her voice being carried lightly over the hum of the city.

“Yet they keep pushing for some sort of validation. Something to soothe whatever demented ego they keep tucked away.”

Reaching the ledge, leaning forward just enough to look down, careful with her silhouette. 


He’s looking to gain favor”, she added. “Sheppard’s coming to them with gifts supposedly, or so I heard.”

Roxanne now also near the ledge side, yet with visible distance, tilting her head slightly, eyes scanning below.

“Drugs? Hardware? Weapons?” Roxanne asks.

“Not exactly sure yet, but knowing his current status, I don’t think he’s got cred’ like that yet.” Onyx stated.

“Sure, he’s good friends with the Mayor’s kid, but he’s still just a wannabe hotshot, looking for the door in.”

While still facing below, Roxanne gives a subtle side eye to Onyx.

“Even after the years you spent in that ‘club’, no inkling towards what he might be cooking?” The word lingered — club. Lightly delivered. Intentionally placed. A jab mixed in with a question to the matter, a dig at Onyx’s past life. A former lieutenant in the city’s biggest crime family surely must have seen these types of rituals, tributes, and strategic gestures a hundred times. 

Onyx let out a low, muffled chuckle, unbothered by the remark which she knew was meant to be a bit of an attack to her, still. “Not a clue.” she sarcastically said back. The city below them, restless and electric.

For a while, neither of them spoke.

Roxanne scanning the people below, scanning below for the person of interest in a street clustered, horns honking, neon energy glowing, a scene that would be accurately described as overstimulating. Amid all of the noise, she noticed of a pair walking through in their own quiet orbit— hands linked, laughing —  Roxanne didn’t realize she’d stopped tracking movement until the wind shifted against her poncho. For a fraction of a second, the rooftop disappeared.

An afternoon on a different rooftop, a nostalgic sky with a warm yellow tint to the memory.

Overhanging powerlines, a retro jukebox playing a mellow R&B track that sets one on the vibe of ease and rest, panning to a pair of worn sneakers and blue denims walking over, rolled up sleeves —  In one hand 3 aluminum cups stacked up, and the other a metal pitcher filled with orange juice. A smile that carried grace and elegance. No blackened scleras, eyes that read kindness and poise. Roxanne placed down the pitcher and cups on a small table, and sat comfortably down into a lawn chair.

Someone next to her — faceless now, but warm. Words blocked by a muffled overlay, yet she remembered it was one of surprise with the choice of orange juice, followed with laughter. The kind of laugh that makes your stomach ache in a good way.

There had been no Dark Code then. A person that only looked and moved with grace. No careful distance in her voice. The version of her in it lighter.

A car horn below breaking through the air. The rooftop rushed back in, subtle wind, concrete underfoot, Onyx’s silhouette a couple meters away idly scanning the ledge.

She adjusted the collar of her poncho. Eyes staring downwards, snapped out of reminiscing, whoever she was before is gone, but now a jaded individual. “Focus,” she muttered internally, bringing her back to the objective at hand.

Thirty minutes in H3-DES didn’t pass quietly — it pulsed. Sirens flared. Music bled out on the streets. A drunk argument sparked, then dissolved into laughter.

Onyx remained near the ledge, weight balanced effortlessly on one heel, scanning with patient precision. Not anxious. Not bored. Just waiting.

Roxanne leaned back against a ventilation unit, arms folded beneath the white poncho. Her gaze drifted, but never unfocused. Tracking movement the way others might track conversation — faces, posture, mannerisms flaring up. 

Down below on the street level, a group of five korean men, varying in physical characteristics, approached to the entrance of a club lounge and stood idly waiting. The notable thinner one of out of the group kept checking his reflection in a darkened storefront window. Another bigger guy slowly pacing loosely behind deliberately. 

Black jackets. Gold body mods. Notable tatts on some of the fellows, most probably indicating they must be covered.

“The Gold Lake Boys,” Onyx muttered, observing from above.

Then just relatively fifty meters away, a black SUV stops at the corner under the traffic light, the passenger doors open up, two ladies step out, a Caucasian and Asian women entering the street scene, with one hands in grasp with a young man marking the exit of one more passenger.

A fully black outfit, predominantly that of a long dark wool coat, adorned with subtle chrome chain and pin on the left breast.  A polished individual and seemingly composed. Short, slicked back hair, and a smile that pushes some flare or charm. Notable qualities that playboy types like to portray their images as. This was Sheppard. 

“That him?,” Roxanne asked softly. Looking over to Onyx in which she gives a slight head tilt down, “hmm.”

The two women seemingly chatting with one another, with Sheppard in between, expecting a fun night ahead of them. They approached the cluster of gangsters waiting beneath the flickering sign of the club entrance, exchanging greetings, and eventually let inside by the bouncer outside.


uzzin